My name is Ashley…

and I like to fall back on things. I like to have false hopes sometimes and like to believe that the best is out there for all. However; I’ve always had this inner yearning that somehow some person in my life would change. Most likely because it wasn’t who this person had been for a long time. It’s like you’re sitting at the beach and the waves are calm. Then all of a sudden, BAM! Here comes HUGE ENORMOUS waves of foam. That’s how I felt and last night, I definitely felt it. I felt it when this person wouldn’t return any respect to myself and all that I had put into these past few years of my life. I was like “really dude?” But then, my two friends sat there with me as I hugged my teddy bear and were like Ashley, that guy has let go of someone truly wonderful and special. a Christian of practicing faith who has her head on straight. and I was like “mhmmm sure yeah.” 

But now, looking back on that, I see that God has put these obstacles in my life to make myself a better person in the end run. I believe that each experience in my life comes because I need to learn from it, that something will happen because just because. Ya know what, I could choose to sit all mopey and be upset because yes, a true friend of mine decided to just cut all strings with myself. Or I could do my signature happy dance to whatever peppy Taylor Swift song was on the radio, my favorite being Long Live. Because seriously? Why wouldn’t I want to remember my happy memories. they are what shaped me into who I am today, perhaps into the woman I may someday end up being. I ask for prayers at this time for myself. 

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Let it Go

Recently, I became apart of the She Reads Truth community! Throughout this Lenten season as sisters we have chosen to reflect together on a Bible passage every Friday. This weeks selection is Jonah: Chapters One and Two. 

 

The book of Jonah is one of those that most children remember. Think back to when you were a little child and you mainly will remember how you always thought it was about a fish. Well, here I am telling you that there is way more to the story!

The story begins with God telling Jonah to go to the city of Ninevah and speak the word of the Lord. Jonah refuses to obey the Lord though and chooses to go on a ship to another city. On the boat, comes a huge storm and Jonah is the cause, oh no! Jonah then sacrifices his life to save those who were not as guilty. 

Reflecting back on this, I have come to relate it to my own life. I see that God has brought a lot of tumult to my life lately. Numerous fights with my parents and trying to break the system that I was living in. Then, a few weeks ago I chose to listen to him and just let go of my past. Those that were in my life just weren’t meant to be in that place anymore. I just let it go and ya know what, I begin to bring the Lord back into my life again. I feel that I have never been happier with what I have chosen to take into my life and seem more open with my parents. We haven’t fought in about two weeks and it’s pretty magical.

Just like Jonah, I was able to bring the Lord back into my life. It’s a spectacular thing! 

Messy Hands, Running Children

I am a methods student. Basically, this means I am in a classroom with a set amount of hours to get in and a bunch of lessons to teach. Luckily, I was placed in a kindergarten classroom in inner-city Cleveland, I’ve had experience with inner-city children before. Heck, I thought I had this down with a blink of an eye. But boy oh boy was I wrong.

My teacher has about 33 students in her classroom. Some have never been to preschool before. Others have just entered the classroom this past month WITHOUT ANY PREVIOUS CLASSROOM TIME. That’s right folks, these students have not yet learned their whole alphabet yet are placed in kindergarten almost at the end of the year! How, I wonder, do these parents expect their children to pass onto first grade now? 

Here I am, up to my arms in children’s incessant voices, trying to calm down the student whose crayons just got stolen from their desk partner. Trying to get students to stop jumping up and down the walls, swearing at one another. All this time, I”m thinking man oh man what am I getting myself into? Is this really for me?

Then God steps into this negative thoughts and tells me that I can do this. Do you ever have a moment when you’re down for the count, ready to give up? I definitely have had some of these times lately, and man can they be just ick. But God is there and I know this because I always pick myself right back up. 

 

Fresh Starts

I haven’t posted anything for a while…. perhaps because I was dealing with personal issues that I thought I could handle all by myself, without the grace of God. 

Many people probably don’t know this, but I do not consider myself to be a spot- on perfect Christian. The last few months I decided to skip mass a ton and just do whatever pleased MYSELF not what the Lord would want from me. I drank when I wasn’t even legal yet and talked a lot of blacklash to my family. I let a friendship go to the extremes and basically lost it. 

But, this isn’t the beginning of myself letting go of what I truly want in the world: which is a closer relationship with God. No, I don’t want to keep falling back on my misery and pain and giving up on what truly should be the centerpiece of my life. 

So for Lent, everyone always freaks out because they are like “omgee, what should I give up this year!” I don’t know, this always seemed so trivial to myself. Like come on, focus on what really matters in your life and don’t worry about the little things! This Lenten season, I chose to focus more on myself, as a whole, and the relationship I can build with Christ.

And ya know what, I am a truly happy person again! Letting Him into my life again, not worrying about tomorrow or even the next hour, that’s something truly beautiful now. I feel like I have just blossomed within the past few weeks, just by the newly formed relationship. 

 

Thankful

Ya know, every once in a while we have that breaking moment. That time when we ask ourselves… is this really worth it? Am I being myself? Is this what God wants of me? Well, obviously hopefully God is wanting this of you if you are filled with the Holy Spirit. Today, ahem, this weekend was a bit of a blurred mess. I started my full time basically job at Starbucks. yay! However; it comes with juggling my second job at the Loft. totes want to quit it but at the same time it’s like teaching me work ethic. God wants me to learn how to bounce and trade schedules. and make new friends at the same time! It’s always that positive mentality. I think I grew that becoming a college student. It wasn’t always the ick I am failing its a what can I do better next time. God show me the way to positive. 

This week ahead will be a busy one. But let’s make it a good one , shall we?

Falling Behind

This week has been a crazy one for me! What with working a ton, juggling school projects, and singing in the rain I’d say it was a week for the books! I think God gives me these obstacles so that I will be grateful for what I have. You know, it is said that most people when they are down and out turn to God. But we should always turn to him in prayer, no matter what is currently in our lives. Right now is the season of thanksgiving. But, I have to ask: why only give thanks this month? Why don’t we always give thanks to God? I live a wayyy better life when I pray all throughout the day. It’s just who I am. and I hope it’s who you strive to be as well! Praying that my brothers and sisters are doing alright and having pleasant Fridays!